Updated: Aug 2, 2021
Exploring anal pleasure...
A lot of my clients are interested in experiencing a Rosebud massage, especially for the first time, they come to me with questions, and often some trepidation!. Women and men are often afraid of receiving anal or rectal massage because of the stigma of this area, or because of trauma linked to previous sexual experiences. The general preparation procedure and muscle release is almost the same for men and women, except that men have a prostate.
Hopefully this post will answer some of those questions and help you decide whether this type of session is right for you.
How to Get Started with an Anal Massage
Before you do anything, ask for consent. I recommend having this conversation in a room where you and your partner don’t regularly have sex or aren’t planning to have sex. So, the bedroom is off-limits. During an open and honest conversation, ask each other: Is an anal massage something that you both want to do? If either person answers no, then accept that answer. Don't pressure them into doing something that they're not comfortable with. Now if you both say, “yes”, that's awesome!
‘Rosebud Massage’. This can either be just an external anal massage, or can also include internal massage and prostate massage for men. We will have agreed in our chat that this is something you want to explore, and you can allow the mind to let go of the ‘what’s going to happen next’ questions. Rosebud Massage can be an almost hypnotically relaxing experience; it draws the awareness into this one, deliciously sensitive area of the body.
On the physical level the area around the anus, and the entrance to the anus itself, is dense with an abundance of nerve endings. There is an abundance of sensation and pleasure available. Energetically, and emotionally, we hold a huge amount of tension and tightness in the fascia and tissues of the pelvic floor, the anal sphincters and the anus itself. All emotional triggers and responses throughout our lives are mapped into our bodies in different ways, and a lot of that is held in this area of the body.
The anus is part of both the male and female sexual system. The external anal sphincter is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body, with one of the densest concentrations of nerve endings. You can get a lot of pleasure out of external anal stimulation without ever going inside. If you do try anal penetration, you’ll find the internal anal sphincter. This muscle is involuntary and only relaxes when the body wants to open up – this is why you can’t rush anal sex. Through external touch and arousal, the internal sphincter begins to relax and open, giving way to the rectum. Internal anal stimulation is pleasurable for the sense of pressure and fullness it creates. Internal stimulation can also reach the clitoris and the root of the penis from inside – adding another layer of pleasure.
Anal massage is something that you do not rush. It is gentle, focussed and always guided by you: I always check with you before moving to any internal work and guide you to communicate with me throughout so that we are never moving too fast. Once the benefits of relaxation have kicked in we begin to connect with sensation and pleasure, which can be an entirely new way of experiencing arousal. You can let go of the usual tension, performance anxiety and stress that most of us have mapped into our bodies when it comes to sexual excitement.
I usually perform anal massage when you are lying on your front, so there is no tension in your hips, buttocks and thighs. It also helps to undo the typical pattern of tension in the body, in relation to sexual arousal, where most of us squeeze and contract through the lower abdomen, curling the pelvis inwards. Lying on your front encourages the opposite: anterior rotation of the pelvis, and opening up through the front of the hips and torso. Whilst I am working with your anus I also am touching the rest of your body, stimulating the vagus nerve and spreading the focus and sensation up into the torso, chest and neck. When we have finished this part of the session I will invite you take a few moments just to be in stillness with your body before you turn over. We will have a little check in, see how you’re doing, maybe drink some water, and then let the body settle back into a comfortable and relaxed position so we can continue with the massage.
The anus is made of two rings of muscle. The external one is continuous with the pelvic floor and is made of skeletal muscle. That’s the kind of muscle you can consciously control, and it’s called skeletal because it moves your skeleton…. But the internal muscle is connected to your digestive system and it’s made of smooth muscle. That’s the kind of muscle that’s in your organs and your blood vessels. You can’t fully control it because it’s wired by your autonomic nervous system. That’s the part of your nervous system that handles all of the behind-the-scenes management of things like your heart rate, your digestion, etc. Both the fight-or-flight and the relaxation nerves are connected to the internal anal muscle, and it’s the only place you can directly massage the parasympathetic nervous system to stimulate the relaxation response.
Let's first distinguish anal and rectal work. The rectum is the end of the digestive tube. It absorbs liquids and nutrients to the bloodstream, but in a special system that circumvents the liver, hence the use of suppositories.
The anus is the group of sphincter muscles at the end of the rectum. They are composed of two major sphincters each composed of 2-3 parts. The internal sphincter is on the inside of the canal, and it is surrounded by the external sphincter, except at the very opening where one part of the external sphincter is outmost. The external sphincter can be massaged from inside the vagina in women, and doing so will ease anal penetration. The role of the anus is to prevent gases and liquids from the digestive tube to come out inadvertently. The anus does not generally block to feces from coming out. These are stopped before by the puborectalis. There is normally very little feces in the rectum close to the anus.
How to do an anal massage
The client should be laying face down, ideally laying with the torso and pelvis on a pillow for comfort of the neck and ease of access to the anus and genitals. Before doing any anal work, I always give a relaxation massage to the muscles of the buttocks and the groin. You can use a light oil like avocado or almond oil. Then, it is very important, especially for women, to gently drain the lymph nodes and vessels on the skin surrounding the anus. Because women's reproductive organs are internal, they have more lymph nodes and vessels surrounding the anus than men; failing to drain them will make the internal massage uncomfortable for most women. To do so, gently massage the sides of the groin, from the perineum to the sacrum .
Once the buttocks are prepared, I am ready to work on the anus. I will wear a Nitrile glove, as they are hypoallergenic and more resistant than others. Gloves reduce irritation and are more practical as I do not need to wash my hands as often. Invert the glove before use as the outside surface is abrasive for more grip, thus more irritating. Keep a spare glove available on a clean surface in case the first one breaks. Avoid folds in the gloves as they will become irritating to the client.
Use anal water-based lubricant if possible, because its ph is designed to match that of the anus. Coconut oil works but is not as viscous as lubricant. Never use oils with latex gloves as it breaks them down, making them ineffective and leaving chemical residues that can be absorbed by the body. Personally, I put a layer of coconut oil on the entire gloves, then a layer of lubricant on the thumb and index; this reduces friction on the entire hand as it moves outside, and it creates a double film that reduces it further on the fingers that will penetrate the anus.
Start your anal massage by making circular motions around the rim. I find that it is generally more comfortable for the client to start with the fingers pointing towards the genitals. Use the thumb to start massaging the anus, because it is more fleshy and soft than the finger tips. Massage the outside of the anus, rubbing around in a big circular motion, then move onto making smaller circular motions around the anus.
Stroke the anus gently using one finger to give your partner a different sensation.
The three-finger technique offers wider stimulation and is said to be more pleasurable.
Rubbing the rosebud can enhance sexual satisfaction. When you're ready to involve both hands, stroke down to create a multitude of sensations. Rub the rim up with both hands. If you're comfortable, you can also introduce a little tongue action.
Then gradually insert the thumb by rotating it, making sure that you caress all around the anus until the sphincters relax and allow the thumb to go in entirely. Then retract the thumb and insert the index instead.
Like anal massage, fingering can often provide incredible sensations and it involves inserting a finger or fingers into the anus for sexual pleasure. Men will usually find anal fingering particularly pleasurable because it can lead to the stimulation of the prostate, which is the equivalent of a woman’s G-spot.
Work inside the rectum
Once the index is inside the rectum, explore the area gently. Move the tip of the finger without moving its base too much. Observe that you find a number of structures below the surface of the rectum. On the sides are the pelvic floor muscles, with the pubococcygeus towards the genitals, the iliococcygeus in the middle, and the piriformis towards the back. Massage the pubococcygeus and the iliococcygeus by stroking the muscles along the fibres of the muscles to release them. However, avoid the piriformis unless you have been trained to massage them internally, as they cover two important nerves that could be damaged by the massage. The coccygeus are on either side of the coccyx; massaging it gently is important to maintain proper curvature of the spine and to reduce tension in the pelvis.
Inside the rectum you will find different organs for men and women in the centre towards the genitals and the core of the body. For men, the prostate and the seminal sac are towards the genital. You can massage gently the prostate by stroking it, but avoid the seminal sac if you haven't been trained to do so. Massaging the prostate can be very pleasurable and improves greatly the genital health for men. For women, you will find the G-spot, the A-spot and the cervix as you move towards the back. They will induce as much pleasure as if you massage them from the vagina in most women.
LOOK BEYOND THE ANUS
The anus is connected to the taint and genitals through a set of overlapping pelvic floor muscles. Because our genitals and anus work together as part of a larger pleasure system, and our whole body is covered in nerve endings, it can feel really good to stimulate the base of the genitals, the vulva, the shaft, or any other erogenous zones during an anal massage. Keep arousal building and extend the pleasure sensations throughout the body by taking an all-over, holistic approach to your play.
Avoid massaging any bony structures in the rectum. The pelvis and the pubic bones are not fragile, but the attachments of the muscles and the fascia at the surface of the bones is sensitive. The inside of the sacrum and the coccyx are covered with ligaments and nerves that are very fragile and sensitive; you can cause a lot of damage if you press hard on any of them.
To finish the anal and rectal massage, tell the client you will remove slowly your finger(s) and slowly retract. Remove your glove by unrolling it from the cuff, and discard it discretely.