top of page

What is Kinky Tantra?

“The act of transgression breaks through the barriers of fear and shame,

and that moment of liberation creates a charge of energy on which
we can ride to heights of pleasure and ecstatic experience.

It also asserts a sense of self as independent of social norms, a sense of individuality.” 

– John Hawken

*Innocent sexuality* manifests in the body as energy and excitement experienced in a state of relaxation. We experience a pleasurable expansion of our energy body, which connects us with ourselves as beings of light, of energy, of fire. We know sexuality as something we are, which is one with the life force streaming through the universe. So pleasure in this relaxed, expanded state of non-doing is the path to an experience of bliss as our birthright: truth as the consciousness of bliss.


      Kinky sex can not only awaken your sexuality, but it can even bring you closer together in your relationship.

"Both men and women report feeling closer to their partner after a bout of fulfilling kinky sex. It rejuvenates and strengthens the couple's bond,". It's about trying new things and building your trust as a couple.

Trying new things takes that special brand of practice and trust. It's almost like finding a new shared hobby that includes an orgasm and subsequent oxytocin boost. "Sex is best when it is unabashed, unadulterated fun!

     Remember that developing dynamic, invigorating kinky sexual intimacy takes time — it's important so set aside some time to reconnect as a couple often — by working on it together, you will strengthen your bond, relieve each other's stress, and create amazing new opportunities for happiness and fulfillment, Kink is dramatic, deliberate, and dirty. When people talk about spicing things up, kink is Tabasco sauce.  Being kinky might mean bringing props into the bedroom, it might mean acting out dark fantasies, it might even mean wearing something absolutely ridiculous—but then again, being kinky might just mean using a swear word or two when you’re makin’ luv

     A more technical term for kink is BDSM, which is short for bondage & discipline, domination & submission, and sadism & masochism. In layman’s terms, that includes tying each other up (rope, handcuffs, etc.), dressing up, role-playing,  exploring fantasies, exploring orifices, exploring pain, exchanging power, wearing (p)leather, wearing rubber, wearing spandex, whipping, spanking, paddling, tickling,  playing with temperature, playing doctor / nurse …

      Forbidden sexuality manifests in the body as excitement with tension, with a contraction of the muscles, *especially of the muscles of the pelvic floor. This tension gives us the impression of increased excitement, but at the same time sets physical boundaries to our sexual energy and therefore to our experience of pleasure, confining it more or less to the genital area. The contraction of the muscles takes us into an experience of doing, of performance, rather than of being: our focus is on having sex, completing the sexual act, rather than on enjoying being sexual and celebrating our aliveness. Moreover, the contraction of
energy invokes an experience of anxiety, as bioenergetically speaking, excitement with contraction creates fear: this reflects our ambiguity towards our sexual energy, whether this ambivalence is conscious or not.
The tension around the genitals prevents the pleasurable expansion of more and more sexual charge, and leads instead to the discharge of the excitement in a genital orgasm, or perhaps more distressingly, the experience of frustration as the excitement is suppressed and blocked by the tension.

The much sought after experience of orgasm, statistically, all of 8 to 12 seconds in duration, can, especially for men, mirror again our ambiguity towards our sexuality, in that the highest point of enjoyment of our excitement is the moment of getting rid of it. Afterward, we can finally relax from the chronic tension that controls us, which is relieved by the discharge.
For women, this experience is less extreme as the discharged excitement stays more in the body, but for both sexes learning to relax into the excitement increases our ability to contain more and more pleasurable energy within ourselves. This is not possible very far without healing the tensions which are created by the stigma and tabu against pleasure in our society.

First and foremost, practicing kinky sex takes trust. It seems more likely that you'd be willing to try something weird or taboo with a person you trust, right? Some of the more wild fantasies you have maybe nerve-racking or embarrassing — wouldn't it be better to try hot wax play or bondage with a person who loves and respects you?

Whether it's BDSM, role play, or otherwise, a monogamous relationship is a wonderful place to try things you may never have been brave enough to try before.

       A person who loves you is not going to judge you for wanting to try something unorthodox betwixt the sheets.

      If you're going to ask someone to drip melted chocolate on your labia and lick it off, isn't it more likely that you'd ask someone you truly trust? I know I'm less likely to let some random stranger I met in a bar to whip me with a riding crop.

     First thing's first: You have to have a discussion with your partner before you venture into BDSM territory. "There are two ways kink fantasies can go,"  "You can find out this is something you've been missing in your sex life or that the idea was better left as a fantasy." While it may not sound like a sexy conversation, you need to discuss your interests and "hard limits" (anything that you're absolutely uncomfortable doing) with as much detail as possible. You should definitely keep an open mind to things, but of course, never do anything that you're not OK with just to please someone else!..

Once you've laid the groundwork for your dos and don't s, then you should head to the closest sex shop for props, right? Not quite. When you're a beginner, you want to start slow with items you can find anywhere in your house. If you're a newbie, start with these first few tips before upgrading your bedroom play to more advanced maneuvers. 

11 of the Most Common Sexual Fetishes

What defines a fetish, though, isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. “A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object,”

While people use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex. Someone's kink may be bondage, and they may be incredibly excited when they're tied up...or someone may have a bondage fetish, and their entire sexuality may revolve around restraint. Meanwhile, a turn-on may be something that simply arouses a person. It’s crucial to remember that people of all gender identities and orientations can be kinky, and what’s kinky to one person may be considered vanilla by another.

When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella.

Example: People often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role-play, impact play, and even age play.

Curious to know what these terms mean? Read on to read about common fetishes and what they entail.  perhaps half of us are interested in sexual activities outside the "norm," so if you're interested in trying any of the following, rest assured you're not alone. And of course, with any type of sex, acting on fetishes or kinks should always involve enthusiastic consent from all parties and safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms, to prevent unwanted STDs/ STIs.

1. Bondage

Bondage is when one partner restrains the other. It’s usually a form of dominance and submission and falls under the BDSM umbrella. You can bind your partner using objects you already have around, such as a belt, or purchase specialty kink items like handcuffs. To engage in restraint play safely, establish boundaries and a safe word, emphasize consent and communication at every step, and start slow. (And take care not to cut off anyone's circulation!) Books such as sex educator Lee Harrington Sacred kink can help you get started.

2 Impact Play

Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. Spanking is often an easy and safe BDSM entry point that leads to exploring more, such as purchasing a crop to use with a partner. Impact play can range from a light slap on the bum to a crack of the whip.

As with any kink or fetish, it’s important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. “Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink,” . Do your homework before practicing impact play. Discuss the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choose a safe word to shut down the action on a dime if need be, and learn what parts of the body are safe to impact. Stick with the meaty areas, like the ass and thighs, and avoid less protected areas where organs live, like the lower back. For both financial savings and safety, it’s a good idea to start out simply using your hand before investing in bigger and badder impact play toys, for example, a whip or paddle.

3. Role-Playing

You don’t have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy,. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it’s also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy, and are aroused by doctors, you probably don’t actually want your doctor to get sexy with you because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home.

Role-playing scenarios range from classic schoolgirl-and-professor scenes to the more taboo, such as daddy dom and little girl. Such role-playing can involve both age play, in which one partner pretends or both partners pretend to be an age other than their own.

4. Foot Fetish

A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling.  If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!)

5. Anal Sex

You don’t need to have an anal fetish to engage in anal sex, but plenty of people do specifically get off on butt stuff. Anal play can range from adding a finger in the ass during penetrative vaginal sex to using butt plugs to having anal sex with a penis or a dildo. In a recent study, 37 percent of women and 43 percent of men said they had engaged in anal sex (in which women received and men gave).

Anal play has become more socially acceptable since mainstream media for helping to destigmatize the act. Since the butt hole has 8 000 nerve endings it is not self-lubricating and harbors bacteria that can lead to infection when transferred to the vagina, it’s important to stock up on lube and read up on ass etiquette before engaging in anal play. That includes safer sex precautions such as condom use.

6. Lingerie

One of the most common fetishes centers on something that may be sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie. “[This] may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish (or two or three),” . Again, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it to be present in a sexual scenario in order to fully engage or get off. A common lingerie fetish involves stockings, a fetish that can overlap with a love of feet. Lingerie is an example of the lesser-used definition of a fetish: an attraction to an object.

7. Group Sex

Group sex is getting it on with more than one person.  Although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a gang-bang typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender. The most talked-about type of gang-bang is a woman being penetrated by multiple penises. However, men can be gang-banged by multiple women, while with strap-ons, anyone can play out a penetrative gang-bang. If you have a group sex fetish or kink but realistically only want to have sex with one other person, try using porn, dirty talk, or role-playing with the use of sex toys to explore within your current relationship.

8. Sensation Play

Sensation play can refer to a huge range of activities based on the receiving or withholding of different stimuli. For instance, one partner may blindfold the other to deprive them of their sense of sight, a form of sensory deprivation, or they may drag an ice cube along their skin, a form of sensation play known as temperature play. When it comes to giving sensation, think of everything from tickling a partner with your hands or a feather to biting them. Impact play is sometimes placed under the category of sensation play.

9. Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is part of BDSM, as it involves an element of dominance and submission. Edging, in which the submissive partner is brought to the brink of climax and then forced to stop — often done repeatedly — is an example of orgasm control. The idea here is that for as long as you like, you let your partner take the reins and determine when and how you come. As with all of the activities here, anyone can engage in orgasm control regardless of their genitalia.

​10. Psychological Play

While physical actions, such as spanking, are often the most discussed kinks and fetishes, some of the most intense sexual play takes place in the mind.  Psychological power play as “mind control,” and it’s a type of BDSM. Psychological play involves implementing a sexual power exchange: Humiliation play, for example, might involve a submissive partner getting off on being called names. Consensual threats are an example of psychological play; one example is a Domme warning a male submissive with a foot fetish that he’ll have to lick her feet if he doesn’t fall in line and do exactly as she says.

11. Voyeurism

 Voyeurism obtaining sexual pleasure from watching others who are naked or having sex is one of the most common fetishes. Of course, as with every other fetish, engage in voyeurism consensually, for example at a sex party where a couple has given you permission to watch; watching someone without their permission is never acceptable. The flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism, which means achieving sexual pleasure by allowing others to watch you. (A sex party is a great setting in which to do this, too.)

Remember, regardless of your fetish or kink, consent is paramount. "Kinks and fetishes are fertile grounds for misunderstandings if consent is not explicit,". Once you obtain consent, expressing your sexual desires is one of the healthiest things you can do for your sex life: Fetishes that are repressed rather than expressed can take their toll on both individuals and relationships. As long as the desire is safe and based on consent from everyone involved, everyone deserves to pursue theirs.



bottom of page