Myths and truths about the female orgasm
The female orgasm is a phenomenon misunderstood by most men and even by women, themselves. While there are false ideas regarding male orgasm, I’m going to focus more on the mysteries surrounding female orgasm. Let me share with you the most common myths about the female orgasm:
The top myths about female orgasm:
Myth: The larger the penis, the greater the chance of female orgasm.
Men have worried for ages about the size of their penis. The truth is that size really doesn't matter all that much when it comes to female orgasm. Since only the first two inches of a woman's vagina is sensitive to stimulation, anything over that amount is kind of useless during intercourse, at least from the woman's physical perspective. In fact, when men are overly concerned with the size of their penis and whether it's sufficient, their minds aren't focused on pleasuring their partner, and that is no way to experience female orgasm. A survey done by the Kinsey Institute found that the average size of an erect penis measured from the tip to where it connects with the rest of the body is 6.16 inches (15.65 centimeters) in length. The girth of an erect penis is 4.84 inches (12.29 centimeters) on average. Both of these statistics have come as a surprise to men and to women who have been convinced by porn that the average size of an erect penis is eight or nine inches. That same Kinsey study actually found that less than 2% of men have penises that large. Remember whether a man's penis size is below, above, or just average, he still has the ability to help his partner reach orgasm, and that is far more worthy of praise than a few extra inches of penis.
Myth: Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms.
All women have different preferences when it comes to orgasm. Some women enjoy the sensation of a clitoral orgasm, while others enjoy the intensity of the vaginal orgasm. The basic point is this: Both can be equally satisfying. One erogenous zone is not better than the other. It is simply a matter of individual preference. The only reason vaginal orgasms are regarded as the Holy Grail of ecstasy is how infrequently they occur. Statistically speaking, it’s estimated that 30% of women will never even experience one and only 30% do so with regularity. Clitoral orgasms are wonderful, and there is no reason to pity a woman who hasn’t experienced an orgasm through vaginal stimulation.
Myth: A woman must have an orgasm to feel sexually satisfied.
Most women have had the experience of being asked by their partner during sex if they are going to climax. This myth is the reason for that question. The majority of men believe that sex without an orgasm is not pleasurable for a woman, but that's not true. First of all, even though orgasms are a wonderful part of the sexual experience, there is more involved than that. For couples, sex is generally a physical expression of love and closeness. Many women report enjoying this part of the experience immensely even when it is not followed by an orgasm.
Myth: An orgasm is always an earth-moving experience and there is something wrong with a woman if she is unable to reach orgasm.
Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm. By contrast, women who get very aroused and do not experience orgasm will sometimes feel "nervous" or "edgy" or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.
Myth: "Normal" women reach orgasm through intercourse.
Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality. In the past, people thought that "mature" women had their orgasms with intercourse; you will sometimes run across an older book that has this view. However, laboratory studies in the 1960s showed that an orgasm is an orgasm no matter which way you obtain it. How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental health or emotional maturity.
Myth: Inability to reach orgasm, or anorgasmia means a woman is "frigid" or that there is something seriously wrong with her or her relationship.
Women who were able to have orgasms in the past but can no longer do so may be suffering from a medical problem or a side effect from medication. Women who have never had an orgasm may never have learned what type and duration of stimulation they need.
Myth: If a woman cannot reach orgasm, Then her partner is not a skillful lover.
While there are many ways a loving partner can help a woman reach orgasm, in the end, a woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. That does not mean her partner should not be involved. Communication between partners is very important. It is up to the woman to inform her partner her likes and dislikes in their lovemaking.
Myth: A woman has to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex.
This myth seems to be more common among men than among women. Many women enjoy the closeness and physical intimacy of sex and are satisfied even if they do not, or do not always, have an orgasm.
Second, just because there's no climax that doesn't mean the rest of the experience didn't feel good. An orgasm is an intense, pleasurable feeling, but it is not the sole source of sexual pleasure for a woman. Just as men enjoy the actual act of intercourse, so do women.
when men ask about whether or not a woman is going to climax, he is putting pressure on her to deliver. This often leads to faking orgasms, which actually detracts from her experience and could detract from his as well if he discovers the truth. While orgasms can be utterly amazing, it’s a shame we don’t value the process that goes into attaining one and simply enjoy the journey.
Myth: Manscaping is a must.
Despite the myth glossy magazines continue to perpetuate, a man whose body is as hairless as a newborn seal is not more desirable. Work with what God gave you, not against it. When you insist on shaving your chest, arms, and all of your pubes, you look like a child, and when the stubble grows in, we feel like we're hooking up with a bath brush.
Instead of trying to compete with her to be the baldest one of all, embrace your body hair. It's manly and (this just in!) masculinity is sexy. The sole exception: We don't want to undertake the impossible task of parting your pubes like they're the pine forest to get to your penis (or worst yet, choking on them), so trimming is always appreciated.
Myth: We need to be persuaded to have sex.
We do not offer sex as a reward for good behavior like a dog-owner giving a puppy a treat for not peeing on the rug. We are not putting up with sex. We enjoy it just as much as you do, and in some cases, more than you.
We think about sex just as often as you do. Our X-rated daydreams could rival yours, and the stories we relate to our friends would make even the most brazen man blush. Some women want sex less frequently (as do some men), but many women want it often. It's a matter of sex drive, and a low sex drive is not typical of all females any more than a high sex drive is typical of all males.
Myth: All nipples are created equal.
When it comes to nipples, women are divided into two camps. Many feel men ignore them entirely in favor of clumsily pawing their breasts like they're filled with catnip. On the other hand, many women feel that guys pay too much attention to nipples, leaving ladies awkwardly splayed there while the dude attempts to massage pleasure out of a place that isn't the best suited for that.
So, chances are, you're either paying nipples too little attention or too much. Avoid making them feel discriminated against by paying close attention to how she reacts when you graze her upper body. If she arches her shoulders back and breathes heavily, you should linger. If she squirms away from your touch or seems to be focused more on the ceiling than the sensation, it's time to meander elsewhere.
Myth: We don't ogle men.
We hate to spoil the idea men have about being the only ones that indulge in the visual pleasure of another's body, but we have to set the record straight: Women are checking you out. Admittedly, you don't look as good naked as we do, but you still have a
lot to admire. Broad shoulders, defined arms, a strong neck, lean torso, and calves that look like they were made to destroy soccer balls are among the few things we unabashedly size up and mentally catalog (maybe for later—we're not saying).
Also, we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the discernible shape of a man's penis in sweatpants. Don't get all cocky about it, though.
Myth: When it comes to the clitoris, the rougher the better.
The clitoris should not be slapped around, abused, or gnawed on. It should be gently and tentatively touched the way you might poke a sleeping tiger. Just like the fragile objects dangling between your legs, our sensitive parts should be handled with care.
As a rule of thumb, always use as gentle a touch as possible. And when in doubt about the success of your technique, ask.
Myth: If you're not making her climax from sex alone, you're doing something wrong.
(and many women we know), females who can orgasm from penetration alone are rare.
Yet, despite overwhelming evidence, men seem preoccupied with the idea that this feat is possible for all women. This is irritating (stop telling me what my body is capable of!) and also a waste of effort.
Instead of insisting on her G-spot's existence after many failed attempts to find it, focus on making her orgasm in a way that works for her (read: use your hands and tongue). Also, cut yourself some slack!
You're not failing if she can't climax from sex alone any more than she's failing because she can't orgasm.
And, while we're at it, can we do away with your preoccupation on the whole climaxing at the same time thing? It's near impossible, so let's not stress if it doesn't happen, okay? Two orgasms are nice, but they don't need to be simultaneous to be great.
Myth: Women enjoy giving more than taking.
We love making you feel good, we really do. But automatically assuming that our feminine side means we're not into sex for our own pleasure is incorrect. We want to climax. We're not preoccupied with achieving orgasm from your penis alone. Your mouth, fingers, and even a vibrator will do just fine. But if you climax, we want to climax too! Don't leave us out of the fun because you assume we're above getting off. News flash: We're totally not.
And yes, sometimes we'd like to be the selfish ones and get some oral sex before going to sleep without reciprocating.
Guys shouldn't be the only ones to get a no-backsies pleasure session. Share the wealth!
Myth: The harder you thrust, the better.
When you're on top, pounding away, we're not having fun, you'll rarely keep a woman wet by imitating what you see during your private late-night screenings; you're just going to give her internal rug burn.
You listen, you connect with her, and you move based on her The former will leave her satisfied, and the latter will leave her sore.
Myth: Foreplay is a waste of time.
Despite most men have heard that this is a myth, the lack of attention paid to foreplay is a serious issue plaguing women's sex lives everywhere. You should not even glance anywhere below her wast if you haven't kissed her, touched her breasts, and built up her desire to the point where she's ready to pull her hair out if she doesn't get some genital attention NOW.
If it's sexual selfishness that keeps you from paying the proper attention prior to getting down, consider how much better a woman feels when she's properly lubricated for the occasion.
Rather than diving in, ease in and prolong the act for as long as possible. It will elevate her sexual appetite and yours, and make you both impossibly amped up for intercourse. It will also make her feel like you truly care about her pleasure and not just your own,
Myth: Every woman's body works the same.
Oftentimes it becomes abundantly clear that a man is touching a woman as if she's his ex-girlfriend, expecting that every woman is wired the same way and wants the same things. In actuality, she's entirely different from the woman you were with before her.
Put away all assumptions. Touch every woman as if she's the first you've ever been with. Explore every inch of her while silently noting what gets a reaction. Ask her about what excites her. Get to know her fantasies, her kinks, and most importantly, her pet peeves. Approach every woman as a fresh, sexy, clean slate and you'll both be satisfied.
So there you have it: the common female orgasm myths totally debunked though I doubt that men will ever believe that the first one isn't true. It seems to be hardwired into the male brain. If men just try to ensure that sex is fun and pleasurable for their partners, the orgasms will probably take care of themselves. And even when she doesn't have one, orgasm, she will still be having the time of her life!
