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Tantric Techniques For Deeper Love

Although Tantra teachings have traditionally been geared to heterosexual couples, a few teachers like myself are adapting the techniques for gays, lesbians, Transgenders, and all couples even single individuals who can learn the techniques.

I have DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling a deep connection. We call it “neediness”  when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection, and when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of contentment and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.

In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plugin” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.

Whatever your relationship situation, it’s important to work on things–always. Think of it as like a job or a talent. If you don’t practice and give it time and effort, it’s not going to get better. You must commit to making the relationship stronger, and if you do, you will feel the benefits.

Work on communication. Communication is the number one issue couples complain about. “He never talks to me.” “She won’t stop saying no to me.”  The truth is communication is the most important thing we can work on, and we all need some work when it comes to communicating effectively. Most of us have no idea how to communicate what we need, how to ask for help, or how to just express things in ways our partner will actually hear. You can start by simply talking about your day. Tell your partner about your “highs” and “lows” of the day. Be vulnerable and share your fears. Be brave and share how much you missed them all day long. Just talk–about the big stuff, and the little. This builds the positive side of your relationship and protects you when the tougher times come. Then, learn how to argue fairly, kindly, with compassion. There are plenty of other ways to get the communication flowing again. The bottom line, however, is to first commit to improving your communication. Then, get to work and do it.

Have fun together. Laugh. Be playful. Be silly together. Too many couples, especially those who have been married for a long time, forget to have fun, but fun is important to life. In fact, adults who play are more creative and joyful. Play has also been shown to create deep bonds between strangers, promote healing, and yes, create more intimacy and connection in our personal relationships. Let loose together today.

Get involved in each other’s passions.  It’s good to have your own activities. However, it’s important to try and share some passions and activities, too.  Develop hobbies you both enjoy, like hiking or wine tasting, or whatever it may be. Something obviously brought you together in the first place, so keep those similar passions thriving by actively planning to do them together.

Support “free time” for one another. A strong partnership begins with two strong individuals. In order to keep you each strong and healthy, it’s important to have time to do what lights you up and inspires you. Support each other in solitude, hobbies, and individual passions. It will make for a happier partner and bring even better conversations, too!

Each of us has days when we arrive home tired and cranky, wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or get stuck in a conflict with our partner. Rather than waiting until you drift apart, couples can proactively build love by bonding twice a day through a spiritual connection.  It may just be discussing the meaning of life, or it may be regular prayer and church, but whatever it is, it’s important to develop your spiritual connection as a couple. Make it a part of your everyday plan for a stronger relationship.

Use Eye Contact to Open.

Our eyes are really the windows to our souls. Falling into each other through eye contact, while our bodies are open and unguarded is delicious. Practice looking at each other, while staying relaxed, breathing and simply noticing when you have reached a threshold where it’s just a bit too intimate. Hang out there for a bit and you will find that this can be as good as sex!

Hand on Heart

Sit comfortably, cross-legged, facing your partner. Each of you places your right hand on your partner’s heart chakra and your left hand atop your partner’s right hand. Tune in to your heart: first, your physical heart, and then the emotion and energy of your heart chakra. Can you sense your heartbeat? How does your heart chakra feel?  Expansive and open? Constricted? Fluttery? Vibrating? Peaceful? Try closing your eyes and focusing on the connection between your heart and your partner’s
hand or you can gaze into each other’s eyes and engage in the harmonizing breath.


The man sits cross-legged and the woman sits on his upper thighs, crossing her ankles behind his back. Because this upright sitting posture promotes alert awareness, aligns the partners’ chakras, and allows them to breathe each other’s breath and either touch their brow chakras together or gaze into each other’s eyes.

Nurturing Meditation

The position for this practice is good old-fashioned spooning. ( you should both be on your left sides.) Decide which one of you feels most in need of nurturing. Let’s say it’s the woman. Since the partner in back will be the giver (though you’ll both re-balance your energy through the exercise), the man should snuggle in close behind her, lining his chakras with hers: heart center to heart center, belly center to belly center, and so on. Both partners should use pillows to prop head, neck, and shoulders high enough so the man can slip his left arm under the woman’s neck and bring his hand to rest lightly on the third eye chakra of her forehead or the crown chakra at the top of her head. The man’s right arm should cradle the woman, with his hand over her heart; she should rest her hand on top of his.
After a few moments, move into the “harmonizing breath.” Notice your partner’s breath, and begin to synchronize with it: Inhale together, pause together, exhale together, and pause again. As the woman inhales, she focuses on accepting energy through her back into all of her chakras; as the man exhales, he concentrates on sending energy out the front of his body and into his partner.

Prioritize your relationship

By thinking in terms of “we” rather than “me.” This is hard for most couples because it requires viewing yourself as part of a team-first, above your independent needs and habits.

But rather than this inter-dependence weakening you, it strengthens you because each person feels safe and cherished. You know you have each other's backs, and you create a space of reassurance and protection that keeps the relationship healthy and strong.

requires some time and dedication, but the payoff is enormous, as you are building a protective sphere around your relationship. The first step toward reaching this goal is making a series of agreements together that reinforce your care and protection of the relationship. This involves becoming experts on each other's needs, desires, and fears; repairing damage to the relationship quickly; building up a reservoir of happy memories to counter any difficulties and being each other's rock during difficult times.

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