Updated: Sep 19, 2019
When people talk about sex, they often conflate arousal with desire when, in actuality, arousal is the physical response to desire. In men, this generally refers to an erection. Men and women generally experience arousal in very different ways. For women, desire often comes as a response to sexual arousal. They feel the physical effect, and it provokes sexual thoughts of desire. Men are more often capable of experiencing desire first, even if they are not at first aroused.
“Men’s greater sex drive may be partially due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections to the sub-cortical reward system than in women” .
Year after year men condition their bodies and wire their nervous systems for porn-style sex. Men chase a quick release instead of cherishing deep states of erotic pleasure. They close their eyes and disconnect from their lover instead of intimately meeting her. They have a purely physical experience instead of creating a union of hearts, minds, souls and energies. We all habitually and mindlessly bump our genitals together instead of creating a magical, trance-like state of sensual bliss.
Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate physiological processes that are sometimes difficult to distinguish. Orgasm is an intense transient peak sensation of intense pleasure creating an altered state of consciousness associated with reported physical changes. Dopamine is the most important brain neurotransmitter for erection, likely through its stimulation of oxytocin release Another important neurotransmitter is norepinephrine, which is demonstrated through the erectogenic effect of the α-2 agonist. Several other brain neurotransmitters are involved in the erection process to varying degrees such as nitric oxide (NO), α-melanocyte stimulating hormone (α-MSH), and opioid peptide.
The most basic level of arousal, the man thinks about something that turns him on and his mind accords to it or becomes ready for it. When the mind gives an okay, your partner's body responds to it. You will notice it by a change in his breathing, slight increase in the body temperature, and an erection. As I said, the erection may come pretty early on the scale of arousal. He may be erect, but the next step is when he opens up. That is when he is thinking about mutual pleasure. This is followed by an urgency to have sex. In most couples, this is where the foreplay ends and the actual act begins, and sadly ends. However, there is merit in waiting a bit longer and arousing him even more. The next step is when the man slows down. He understands that there is fun in waiting even more and continuing with an amount of foreplay. Or if you are already having sex, if you press the right buttons, he will not rush towards the finish line, increasing the pleasure for both of you. In this phase, men who have not already ejaculated would do so. However, this is not the ultimate level of arousal.
People who practice tantric sex confess of an almost spiritual experience in this level. You understand the meaning of life and all the existence in the brief few seconds of ultimate pleasure.
''Lovemaking is vulnerable to intrusive, worrisome thoughts because it is largely a skill, while desire is more vulnerable to anger because it operates much like an emotion. This connection should not be exclusively limited to the pleasure of the senses. The highest tantric exploration is where sex is not used as an escape no matter how blissful it is but as a means to know who We are. As long as we identify with the realm of the phenomenal we're bound to be disillusioned. Once this key is found, the whole body becomes the human receptacle, the holy grail, for the erotic energy to move more freely and to get transformed into love, healing and creative expressions. Tantra is actually a spiritual lifestyle that provides the tools for living your life meaningfully, while constantly evolving. The ultimate goal of a real Tantric man is to become enlightened but in today’s world there are few men who strive towards it or even feel the need for it. Even if spirituality is not the goal, almost anyone can find something in Tantra that will help him improve his quality of life considerably, to be more aware and thus also happier
most people, and they assume that only women can be multi-orgasmic. It’s one of the biggest sexual misunderstandings of our time. And in a sense, it’s a crime. A lie told to keep our energy small. But the truth which Tantrics and Taoist everywhere can also attest to – is that everyone – men AND women, can become multi-orgasmic. Fact.
A Tantric man has learned to, or can naturally love women. He appreciates the beauty and feminine energy of women. He appreciates how the woman relates to others, her feminine energy, her care and tenderness. He adores the female body, its curves and concaves that excite him and create sexual draw and polarity. He is sexual towards women, views them as sexual and embraces both their internal and external beauty. A Tantric man has got the hang on female sexual anatomy, her erogenous zones and different ways of influencing these, in order to offer her perfect enjoyment and deep emotionally opening and satisfying orgasms. Women can experience 7 different types of orgasm. A Tantric man knows how to help a woman experience those orgasms and open up the sexual potential of a woman. He can offer love, closeness and intimacy to a woman. To give his masculine energy and soothe and balance the woman with it. A Tantric man can consciously be a better partner, better lover and better man for the woman but this doesn’t automatically solve all of the worries and problems of the woman. In a couple-relationship there are always two sides and a good and working relationship requires mature and conscious attitude from both partners.