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Tantra, Sex & Disabilities

Hi, I am Diane and I have an invisible disability called I.I.H (Idiopathic intracranial hypertension)

So, my partner and I do things a bit differently Outside of the obvious, we do practice Tantric techniques to improve intimacy as well as our sex life, we had to re-discover what makes me feel good, as range of motion and sensations are altered. I have had to struggle with low blood pressure and mild to severe headaches. I also wanted to experience a greater spiritual and emotional connection with my partners. It is a great way to develop a relationship through nurturing, caring, breathing and meditation, and also to develop stronger multiple orgasms. Having a disability does not mean you cannot enjoy sex. It just means that you need to look at sex in a different way, and maybe use a different set of tools and ways of having sex. That, in itself, can be a lot of fun, as well as challenging and frustrating, but equally fulfilling.

Tantra is about experiencing life in the present while being true to oneself. To love yourself may seem selfish to some, especially to those who believe you should please others instead. Tantra deals with love: absolute and unconditional love, which many people with disabilities are missing. Love requires touch. We all need to be touched — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These blessings of love and touch can be achieved without the need for sexual intercourse. The combination of energies brought about by truly and simply loving someone and touching them with this intention of love can bring forth sensations of pure bliss, pleasure, peace, and happiness. This is the simplest way to first experience Tantra.

First, find out what being sexy and sex itself means for you, and redefine it around your needs and what you are able to do. Connect, talk, touch, hug and do not be ashamed of your feelings and desires, or lack of them. Explore them, explore yourself and your partner.

Sex comes with plenty of benefits: it is excellent exercise, it helps overcome stress, and it fosters a greater amount of intimacy within couples. But, when considering couples with disabilities, finding sexual positions that do not cause discomfort or pain can prove challenging. However, a challenge does not have to be a bad thing. Finding solutions to sexual road bumps presented by disabilities allows for creativity and heightened sexual experiences. For people with physical disabilities, in particular, it might feel that an adventurous sex life, or even sex at all, might feel out of reach. But that simply is not true.

The first thing to highlight is that there is no right or wrong way to have sex. Sex education and the media seem to suggest that the only sex worth having is penetrative or PIV (penis in vagina) sex. This just is not true – and is also completely heteronormative! This might involve ‘traditional’ PIV sex, but it equally might not. There are so many other ways to enjoy each other: oral and anal sex; penetrating a partner with your fingers; using sex toys or simply enjoying intimate cuddles, touch, or massage.

Let us talk about "paraorgasm." This term describes orgasm which arrives from stimulating other erogenous zones, erogenous zones are very personal. Each person must know their own zones. This can mean degenitalizing sex. We do not want to remove genitalia from the sexual act completely, of course, but we do want to change exclusive focus on genitals. There are deep habits across many societies, making the genitals the center of every sexual act. But we want to discuss shifting some of the erogenous attention to the brain. That is the key.

Here are some ideas through sex positions for people with disabilities that may open your eyes and even give you some new ideas to try!

Back pain

can make sex more agony than ecstasy. Studies across the globe have found that most people with back pain have significantly less sex because it triggers or worsens their pain. Motions like thrusting or arching your back, or even just supporting your weight, can make sex excruciating. There is no one magic position that will work for every person with back pain.

Sideways Sixty-Nine

Oral sex often becomes uncomfortable and unsustainable for those with disabilities. This modified sex position presents a solution.

*How It Works: Both partners lay on their sides facing one another with their heads at opposite ends. One or both partners stimulate the other with hands, mouths, or toys.

Who It Helps: Couples where one or both individuals are disabled, people with weak or spastic hips, people with arthritis or fragile joints, people with chronic pain, individuals with mobility issues, and others.

Doggy style

Doggy style should be comfortable for those who have pain when bending forward or sitting for long periods of time. If you are on the receiving end, it may help to support yourself with your hands instead of coming down to your elbows. It can also be a good option if you also feel pain when bending backward or arching your back. Missionary is the way to go if any kind of spinal movement causes pain. The person on their back can put their knees up and place a rolled-up towel or pillow under their lower back for added stability. The person doing the penetrating can use their hands for support and lie or kneel over their partner. Side-by-side On-the-side positions used to be the recommended go-to for anyone with back pain. It turns out it does not work for all types of back pain. Side-by-side while facing each other is most comfortable for people who find sitting for long periods of time painful. Spooning This is another position that has long been recommended for sex with back pain, but it is not for everyone. With a little tweaking, spooning may be comfortable for some extension-intolerant people. Think of it as rear-entry spooning, with the person doing the penetration lying on their side behind their partner.

In rear-entry positions, both partners can create movement and thrust. If this kind of movement is challenging, or you have issues with stability, a waist strap, might be worth exploring.

Partner on top

In a partner on top position, one person sits or lies on their back and the other either lies between their spread legs or straddles their lap. Being in a lying down position can be great if you get fatigued easily or have limited mobility.

However, lying flat is not always the best or most accessible way to do things, particularly if you have back or hip pain. Using pillows to support, lift or stabilize your body is a great way to stay in a comfortable position for you.

Using a pillow beneath your knees can help relieve strain on your back and gives your partner a deeper angle to grind against.

If the partner lying down is a woman, placing pillows beneath her hips can create a better angle to access their genitals. It also can provide a boost to g-spot stimulation during penetration – more comfortable and more pleasurable all in one!

Normal pillows can help, but it might be worth checking out a purpose-made position enhancer. The designs by brand Liberator are top-class, especially its versatile wedge and ramp.

Side by side

Side-by-side positions can offer a fabulous, low impact and highly intimate experience. Try experimenting with positioning either face-to-face, facing the same direction (essentially spooning) or lying perpendicular (think doggie style, but lying on your side). Getting in just the right position might take some adjustment. Take your time to find what works for you.

Side-by-side positions tend not to involve lots of wild thrusting, so can be particularly suitable if you have restricted mobility or fatigue. Grinding or rocking can, instead, deliver delicious sensations and often lead to a slower building, longer-lasting session

They are also very intimate positions. Plus, they can give you close contact and easy access to your partner’s genitals and other erogenous zones, such as the nipples, neck, and face.

The Bendable Joystick

Long, slender, and a real bender. This double-headed joystick busts moves for you in whichever way(s) you desire. It is extra long, and waterproof.

Adam and Eve Adam & Eve the JoyStick Rechargeable Wand, $59.95,


The squishiest of the lot. This itsy-bitsy vibrator is super portable and soft, with customizable vibration patterns. It is also waterproof.

Unbound Squish, $99.00,

Liberator Ramp & Wedge Combo

You can never have enough support — or perhaps, options for support. If you are looking to take your Liberator sex furniture game to the next level, investing in this dual set of both the "Wedge" and "Ramp" is the way to go

Bonbon Sex toy mount

This mount offers hands free control. Once a toy is mounted into the pillow mount, the user does not require hand or arm mobility to hold it in place.

Doggy Rider

The Doggy Rider works well for people with trunk control deficits. It can be used to help the client be held in position by their partner to increase stability in various sexual positions.

Salto Slingback

A sling can be used to position limbs and keep them in those positions throughout the sexual experience reducing the need for the client to use their muscles to hold limbs.

LOVENSE Lush 3 Bullet Vibrator

Redesigned Powerful & Quiet Stimulator, Improved Long Distance Bluetooth Remote Reach with Music Sync, Partner & App Control Strong vibration greatly stimulates the clitoris which can make the sex life more mysterious.

SENSIVO Dual vibrating Penis Ring

Vibrating Cock Ring with Taint Teaser, with 10 Powerful Vibration Enhancing Erection Sex Toy for Men Couple Prostate Massager

HEALLILY Dick Sleeve Penis Cover Sleeve Crystal Soft Silicone Cock Sleeve Extender for Men

The sleeve enhances your girth and provides extra support. Smooth touch can spice up the sex life between couples. Effectively helps increase the penis size and add more romance for your sex life.


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