Updated: Aug 2, 2021
In my work as a Tantric Dakini, I have been working primarily with men. Which I have come to observe closely; as well as when I observe many people, in society. I see & feel scared little boys trapped in grown men and women's bodies.
In our culture men have never heard the words used to describe that men could be: gracious, respectful, contained, aware, sensitive, potent, learned, beautiful, Handsome, wise, strong, kind,
open-hearted,and conscious of his word, and committed to his higher self. This vision of man's true Self was nowhere in the mainstream media. This is the true male divine masculine that can be achieved by learning Tantra whether you are single or partnered.
This is the time when men, can come together and release the old paradigm of fear, shame and guilt around masculinity and discover their true empowerment. Tantra is about men supporting men in being powerful, sensitive, authentic and expansive so that they can share their deepest gifts with other men, women and the world. Here they can share practices and precepts to cultivate presence, groundedness, sexual mastery, confidence and sensitivity. I include their experiences on what it is to be a man in today’s world, particularly in terms of sex, work, money and relating, and they learn about the Tantric way of being in all aspects of our lives.
How many of us has been given education to be a master in the erotic arts? Our most vital life experience embodied in sexuality has little or no education. This ignorance leaves many men lost, confused and dis-empowered. No matter what ‘gender’ you are you still need both the divine feminine and the sacred masculine within you. Duality is key. The feminine is creative and fluid and emotive. The masculine is analytical and logical and strong. We need both aspects to be whole. Our masculine energy helps us to stop being so scattered, our feminine energy help us to feel safe and nurtured. The masculine side will give you the purpose to do something, yet the feminine side will determine HOW you do it. Two sides of one coin, two halves to one whole.
In tantra the feminine energy is always the initiator of awakening. She guides the masculine into the heart; by receiving through her yoni & transmuting energy into higher levels of consciousness & heart expansion. In order to fully awaken the masculine full potential he must
trust & surrender to the feminine.
In Tantra it feels so good to be understood by Dakinis/Dakas and have our sexuality accepted… not just accepted, but affirmed is a better word. Tantric massage really helps a man to feel sexually affirmed. . There is something about a woman/man lovingly touching a man’s genitals to bring him to high states of arousal–it has an emotional impact on a man, it touches him on a deep level, and he will be forever grateful for such an experience. Sometimes it can be more intimate than intercourse.
Men have alot of mixed feelings about it. Guilt and shame are there, too. When a woman/man pays loving attention to his genitals, it means a lot to a man. A LOT. The whole key is to be in close touch with a man’s reaction to what you are doing. This makes it intimate because you get to know a man’s body and how he reacts. This makes him feel “seen”, understood, and
touched more deeply than just the body. It is the key to making it an emotional experience. When a man feels that a woman/man really knows and accepts his body, and knows how to take him to a highly aroused state, it deepens his connection to her/him, and the arousal goes even higher.
Men should be vocal and physical in their responses to her touch. It helps her/him to know what’s working when touching him in a particularly arousing way. it really helps her/him to know what’s working…. Moan, say “ahhhhh”, “yes”, or “oh my god that’s good”. Men need to move their bodies and not just lie there motionless, catatonic. Move the hips, legs, and squirm in pleasure.
A kind of re-wiring needs to take place. Often men have pressured a woman for sex because he is aroused and he just can’t tolerate it… some urgent need in him wants the orgasm.
This can lead to a bad sexual relationship where the woman develops an aversion to sex.
Meet us halfway in communication Recognize that when you say, /I’m fine,/ we don’t know which meaning you intend of the 300 plus versions you have on file. Goddesses communicate
with each other almost telepathically, in nuance, in monosyllables or even with an imperceptible facial expression shift that can communicate enough information to fill a month’s worth of diary. And we men may not even catch that you said anything at all. I’m not kidding. Remember we
are literal creatures. Sometimes fighting the good fight and passionately following our mission and purpose can feel overwhelming, even for us warriors. Your touch, your encouragement, your
belief in us inspires us one more time to be all that we can be. Your touch fills our hearts in a way that inspires us to love what we do and continue on.
If you truly want your sacred masculine to live his truth, don’t hold back your emotions and feelings. We know your storm will not destroy us It may scare us. If we run, it is your best sign the man in front of you is not in his sacred masculine. Holding back your truth to be nice or to
adjust your emotional based on our less evident expression, keeps you apart from us. Be fully expressive. It brings you closer to us.
When you share your emotions, your upset with us, our natural and instinctive response is to figure out a solution, which is 99 percent of the time what you don’t want. Our instinct to fix overrides our recognition of your need to simply vent. Remind us, so we can let go of our tool-kit for a moment, and simply hold the space for you to be free. We both win.
Both can and should aspire to be whatever they can and want to be, so that both can bring their own balance of masculine and feminine power to the table and be separate but equal without bias or hindrance.