The 5 Love Languages
I love the love languages. I love learning others, exploring mine, seeing how they shift as we grow and change, how our relationships and experiences mold us. How they present in all of our relationships, not just romantic. It helps me understand so much about the people around me.
Your love language refers to the ways in which people give and receive love in their lives.
Although this includes romantic love, it may also affect how we prefer to give and receive love in friendships and other relationships too. They can also shed light on your personal habits or behavior that might not seem to be linked to love languages or relationships at all.
For example, your love language could be linked to self-destructive habits. If your preferred love language is words of affirmation, you might be prone to negative self-talk, or if your love language is gifts, you may tend to over-spend. That's just one of the many ways people might use love languages to learn more about relationships and their own mental health.
Not sure what your love language is? Here's what you need to know about the five love languages, including love language examples, how to determine yours, and other insights and relationships
One of the most common relationship issues people face today is the struggle to express love in intentional and meaningful ways nearly everyone wants to show their partner that they care. Yet, many people struggle to do it in a way that speaks to their heart. If you find that this describes your situation, you may want to learn more about the Five Love Languages. History has shown that learning how your partner receives love will help you know the best way to demonstrate your love and caring.
The history of the five love languages The love language concept comes from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which was first published in 1992. In it, he describes the most common ways that people communicate love, based on his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.
Everyone has a different idea of how to express love to those around them, The trick is avoiding language barriers when your love language differs from that of your partner, family, or friend.
Couples need to find balance and harmony given their respective styles and differences to make sure they speak the language of love, The dark side of knowing each other’s love languages is that you also become equipped with the knowledge of how you might hurt your partner,”. In the case of someone who speaks gifts as their love language, "not getting them a gift on an anniversary or special occasion would be acutely hurtful to them, as would approaching the gift-giving as more a chore than an opportunity.
What are the five love languages?
Acts of service
As much as I express love through spoiling loved ones with gifts and affection, when it comes to receiving love it’s a whole different language altogether.
As someone who values actions over words, it makes complete sense that the action-oriented love language of “acts of service” ranks at the top of my list.
"Some of us prefer to express our appreciation through various acts of service, like running errands for our partners," Hafeez says. This love language essentially refers to the things loved ones do for each other to make their lives easier.
When someone's primary love language is acts of service, they feel loved and appreciated when people do nice things for them. Whether it's helping with the dishes or putting gas in the car, little acts of service go straight to the person's heart. They love when people do little things for them and often can be found doing little things for others.
As experts explain, if your partner’s preferred language is acts of service, they will feel your love through the things you do, not the words you say. When you do something that seems to go above and beyond, they will feel cared for and respected in the relationship.
t’s one thing to be there for them when it’s needed most, it’s another to continuously commit to an expectation your partner has that you’re not comfortable with.
While you won’t always be uber excited about helping them paint the bedroom apartment or watch a cheesy action flick with them, the most important thing is that you choose to do it because you want to, not because you’re forced to.
The gestures should come from a place of love, not guilt or resentment.
That being said, the acts of service love language is more than just doing your part in the relationship. A partner with this love language doesn’t want you to simply uphold your duties in the relationship; they want you to go that extra mile to do something that makes their life easier.
It should be something unexpected that your partner doesn’t always have to ask you to do. For example, you may surprise them by getting the kids up and ready for school and letting them have a little extra time to sleep in.
The acts of service love language comes down to this fact- for some people, actions truly are louder than words.
If your partner prefers to receive love through acts of service, you have probably heard them talk about the fact that actions speak louder, and at the end of the day, they will appreciate any acts you do that make their life easier.
A simple way to determine how you can be most loving and helpful toward your partner is to ask, “Would it help if I do _____ for you?” This allows you to determine what acts of service are most meaningful to them.
Another important truth to understand about the acts of service love language is that while a partner with this love language appreciates having nice things done for them, they do not enjoy asking for help.
This can be rather paradoxical; your partner wants you to help, but they want you to do so without them making any demands, as they do not want to burden you with their requests. If your partner seems to have the acts of service love language, you may want to make a habit out of asking them what you can do to help.
It is also beneficial if you can pay close attention to their daily needs, habits, and preferences so you can determine easy ways to jump in and help without being asked.
In summary, here are four signs that your partner prefers the acts of service love language:
They appear especially appreciative when you surprise them by doing something nice for them.
They comment that actions speak louder than words.
They seem relieved when you take a burden off of their shoulders, whether it is taking out the trash or running an errand for them on the way home from work.
They may never ask for your help, but they tend to complain that you never jump in to make things easier for them. there are some acts of service ideas you can put into place to make life easier for them and to communicate your love.
If she is always the one to get up early with the kids on a Saturday morning, let her sleep in while you make pancakes and entertain the kids with cartoons.
While she is working late or running the kids to their activities, go ahead and fold that load of laundry she started earlier in the day.
Ask her if there is anything you can stop and pick up at the store for her on the way home from work.
Pick up their favorite snack when shopping for groceries
Organizing the garage, so he has one less thing to do this weekend.
Taking his car through the car wash when you are out running errands.
Putting the trash out at the curb before he wakes up in the morning.
If he is usually the one to walk the dog every evening, take over this task when he is having a particularly busy day
Fix breakfast to serve in bed before they wake up
Help take off their shoes
Randomly take them out to their favorite restaurant after a long day sy day.
Book a massage during vacation so they can relax
Take care of the family and give them the day off
Do their preferred date activity, even if it's not your first choice
Give them a massage when they're feeling stressed
Help out with a home improvement project
Pick up a guilty pleasure snack as a surprise
Make a cup of coffee in the morning
Clean the cat's litter
Learn their favorite recipe for a surprise date
Tidy up their personal space and put everything back exactly where they like it
Cook an old family recipe when they're feeling homesick
Draw a bath for them
Wait to watch the show on Netflix so you can binge it together
Encourage them to do something for them, like seeing their friends or doing an activity they like but don't do often
Create a self-care or workout playlist for them to listen to when they take time to relax
Show interest in their hobby by attending an event they care about
Run their errands for them
Do their least favorite chore out of the blue, once in a while
Give them the last slice of dessert
Tune up their bike
Bring snacks for a long car trip
Take time to help them with a project
Offer to tutor them with any homework assignments
Cook a comforting meal when they're sick
Get something they need while you're out
Help them clean up after they make dinner
Help each other stay healthy and safe
Give them a ride when they need it
Plan out fun activities for the family vacation
Break down boxes and put them away in the recycling
Do small handyman projects around the house
Pick them up at the airport
Plug in their phone charger for them when it's dead
Pet-sit for them
Take care of their house when they're on vacation
Run errands together
Go with them to an event they've been wanting to go to
Take the time to visit them, especially if they don't live close to you
Take out the trash